About Us

My photo
United States
We were married on September 27, 2009. We began our journey more than three years ago. We have had four losses to date and are still trying to conceive our sticky bean.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Update (and possible TMI alert)

Everyone has been asking for adoption updates. I often don't know what to say. I feel like I'm letting everyone else down by telling them there isn't much to update but there just isn't anything to share. We have a fundraiser coming up soon. I'll share the link then. Honestly, adoption is super-expensive. Until we can afford to have the homestudy done, there won't really be anything to share. After we pass a hime study, we will apply for grants. When i know we have those, then (and only then) will we step up our search. THAT'S when we may have regular updates on the project. But please know that this is not a fast or easy process. Please don't expect us to have a baby in a years time. It's not likely. :( It's unfair, yes, but it's what we're stuck dealing with.

That being said, Chris has been bitten by the baby bug again. He wants to try while we wait...only without the RE. I have mixed feelings. Part of me feels like it would be dishonest to be fundraising for adoption and trying to conceive at the same time. But another part of me feels that if you're helping by donating then you really want to see us fulfill our dreams of becoming parents, no matter how it happens. (Any donors want to share your feelings on the topic? Please be honest.)

And then there's the stress. I've really been enjoying not worrying about where I am in my cycle. I like not forcing myself to have sex just because of the cycle day I happen to be on. Sex is starting to be fun again. We're having sex because we want to, not because we have to. I don't have a doctor telling me have sex this night and this night but not this one. It's no longer a chore to be intimate. I'm just not sure I want to give up this progress for temping, charting, cervix checking, preseed, and pills. Not to mentioned the Soy induced side effects. :(

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A friend posted these two poems on FaceBook. Author unknown on both.

Sorry I didn't get to stay.
To laugh and run and play.
To be there by your side.
I'm sorry that I had to die.

God sent me down to be with you,
to make your loving heart anew.
To help you look up and see
Both God and little me.

Mommy, I wish I could stay.
Just like I heard you pray.
But, all the angels did cry
when they told little me goodbye.

God didn't take me cause He's mad.
He didn't send me to make you sad.
But to give us both a chance to be
a love so precious .. don't you see?

Up here no trouble do I see
and the pretty angels sing to me.
The streets of gold is where I play
you'll come here too, mommy, someday.

Until the day you join me here,
I'll love you mommy, dear.
Each breeze you feel and see,
brings love and a kiss from me.

The Cord
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.

This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!

Oh, how I miss my babies. We're coming up on Jillian's first "birthday" next week. Not sure what kind of cake Chris will make for her. Just over a week after hers is Dominic's "birthday." He'd be four. :( I hate when my dates are so close together. After Dominic's "birthday" we'll have just one more this year in November.